WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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