Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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