i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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