so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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