I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
