we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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