I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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