when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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