you traded sex for a burrito?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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