I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
id be glad to
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
