Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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