sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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