i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
