His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
