omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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