we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Alive.
So much puke
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
