I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
