This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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