I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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