After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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