is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
