I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
