Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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