just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you never un-have a 4some
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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