I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
