Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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