Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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