I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
