So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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