We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
