uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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