there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
