Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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