I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this is an emotional support booty call
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
