Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
