fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
