Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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