so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
