Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
