Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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