It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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