i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
