What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
