brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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