Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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