he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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