it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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