so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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