your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
