So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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