you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
