Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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