just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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