so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
