no, he came in my armpit
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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