okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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