why didn't you poke me back
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
