So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
