Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
