she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
