90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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