my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
