I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
