i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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