Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
