i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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