p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
