you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
